BrainSurged

I remember the first post on this blog. I was high on steroids and bubbling with Joie de vivre after a simple corrective surgery after years of wondering. Then the posts turned dark as my thoughts went darker, and that reflected in my every day. This time around, I'm struggling not to look for darkness everywhere. I am afraid to hope, to have an optimistic prognosis when something positive happens. Perspective is still required.  "Perspective still required!" Anybody who's ever stepped foot in a gym; is self-aware and/or not a narcissist, like me, can attest to the feeling of insufficiency I describe. In Neuro-rehab for the whole month, I see both terribly hurt and recovering patients and disgustingly fit people. As I sit panting after fifteen or so minutes of biking, I see my instructor lifting weights. The muscles I had no idea exist in a human body on his body make me avoid his half of the gym. In my peripheral vision, I immediately recognize other never-me-level f...

       Blinkist and Balance are two useful things on my phone - which is normally used as an e-reader. I woke up this morning to an audiobook Winners take all by Anand Giridharadas . I won't elaborate on the book, beyond that it is well-written and emotive.  Just had a revelation that I am better off meditating whilst in bed, rather than reading about the current state of the world or any coming apocalypse, aka the news. So, after the usual morning necessities for the kids, I sat down to my writing. As described above, my mood already was pretty down in the dumps. Then I read the news, as I am a creature of habit- once, years ago I felt good reading the news, so now I read it every few hours even if it makes me miserable. The first iteration was the usual nonsense about idiots, idiots in power, depressing things about things I care about, and topics falling under the 'who gives a fig' category. My brain collapsed later this morning though, after readi...

Until late last year, I was no fan of Doctors; I was practically on the other end of the scale. I'm sure all of us, doctors included, have suffered from medical incompetence in one form or another. But, like me, unless you get sick, you don't see the beauty of the competence and dedication of medical professionals.  Nobody, especially me, starts out in a profession solely to help others. I am sure all the doctors and surgeons and nursing staff carefully evaluated their strengths before deciding on their career paths. It simply is imperative that one has to fundamentally care for people, more than the rest of us do, in order to arrive at this trajectory of careers. I have always been a very good student, a good artist and curious about Biology and the sciences. Translated, I was a prime candidate for medical school. Luckily for me, I was self-aware enough even as a teenager to realize that I cannot interact with people that much, and pretend to like them for extended periods. No...

I have decided to alternate between taking myself seriously and laughing at myself. It is not in my nature to do it all at the same time. One bad thing is all it takes for a day of great happenings to change complexion in  my memory. Which needs to change, yes, but while it does, I can think whatever I feel like that day. And today is about the girl next door having greater expectations! Or about being a girl next door to anyone with greater expectations! In a Coursera Course about Success, Wharton Professor G. Richard Shell asks his students to rate four people in order of most success. One does the ranking after reading about the summary of the lives of the four individuals. Then the Professor talks some more about his own life and how he failed to meet his own definitions of success. Now, we are asked to rate the same individuals on success if they were our children. My ranking methods changed significantly. I want all that is flashy and loud and rich for myself, and I am ve...