Swan Song

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I started this blog last year when I was supposedly recovering, but feeling worse. Turns out, I was. So, after a complete history of increasingly depressed posts, I did get myself fixed and my silence is due to the slow, painstaking process of getting out of the resident anger. Here is my swan song to the long depressing soliloquies! Hurrah! For my readers and for me.

My next project will not be here. I meant to merely let the silence speak those words, but many people are indeed in my last year's shoes. If someone happened upon my blog, here is a slight recap>

1. I had experienced blinding brilliance after struggling and then fixing a chronic, magnifying brain issue. Great!

2. Doing too much too soon, fell down a long flight of stairs and seriously broke my newly fixed head.

3. Was told to shut up and carry on by too many people and wasn't taken seriously until I was 70% blind.

4. Residual anger was boiling over onto every adult in my life even after another surgery.

Many steps later, I am well-enough to let go off the anger. Most days. My depression is not the filmy kind where the patient politely takes herself to bed and elicits sympathy from all and sundry. I am the kind that will burn the house down if I am to die. Unlike many people, I am absolutely sure there's no life beyond this one. Hence, my depression is the fight tooth and nails kind. Not at all pretty. Which is a little more palatable nowadays, thanks to a lot of support from plenty of professionals and anti-depressants and my mother and kids. If you, the reader, know anyone who needs help, just listen. Perhaps you'd be able to help with some fresh ears. The thing that hurts more than any chronic health issue is indifference. If you need help, fight for it. If someone is fighting hard for it, try to see them with fresh perspective and give them that help. Perhaps it is not painful enough yet, but don't wait until it gets there. Whatever happens, whoever hurts the most, remember- not a one of them will mean more to yourself than you.

I love me, faults, anger, rage and all!

I love me, faults, anger, rage and all! I hope you love you too. Thanks to this cyberspace that let me vent, cry out the pain my brain was unable to tell me was hurting. I have no need for it anymore. Adieu! 



Comments

  1. Bala VaiyapuriAugust 26, 2021 at 2:11 PM

    Awesome. Though the blog is result of residual anger, it carried varied perspectives not easy for so called "common" people to understand. Happy to the core that you could come out and call out swan song. Unfortunately, it's not so easy and most of the times unthinkable for the ones who didn't suffer brain damage from outside and hence calling themselves "normal". I admit that I'm one among them who could not forgive myself for the blunder of wasting years during prime years. I loved the saying "Kittaathaayin vettena mara". What a profound one!!!! Wish everyone understood and took this to the core of their heart... Life on earth would be super lovely and enjoyable. Farewell from this blog my dear...! Usually people feel bad on retirement. But this end is on happy note!!!

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